Now that the age of 70 is in my rear view mirror, the chances of me ending up in a nursing home are increasing. If I fall asleep permanently in my lounger at home some night, that would be fine. But if my kids decide to put me into a home, I have a few requests. Now hopefully this is all a few years away and I’m sure the names of the homes will have changed. Maybe they’ll park me in a Senior National Organizational Retirement Extended Care facility – or SNORE Center.
There’s a lot of chatter on the news these days about AI robots being in our near future, so I have included a few “requests” about them in this article. Here are a few of the things I wish for in a nursing home experience, in no particular order:
- I hope my robo-nurse will be kind to me. I hope that she will listen to my stories for days on end without saying, “You have already told me that.” I hope she’ll enjoy my jokes and that her laugh will seem real. I also wouldn’t mind it if she’s kinda cute.
- I hope that they have lots of different kinds of jello, but I don’t want the jello with little pieces of fruit in it. I don’t care for that kind of jello. Oh, and I will also need lots of ice crème.
- I hope that they can change my diaper without embarrassing either them or me. Wait, maybe my robo-nurse can do that. I definitely hope her hands are warm.
- I’m going to need a good TV with lots of channels. I like history and nature programs, but I don’t like to see animals killing and eating each other. Can they filter that out?
- I hope that there are lots of ways to communicate with my wife, siblings, children and friends, and am going to need the internet. I’m sure I’ll complain that they don’t call (or tweet) enough. I hope that there will be some kind of Inter-Face-book-Tweeting thing plugged in somewhere looking at me. But not during bath time.
- I hope my bed has lots of ways to make adjustments. Sometimes I like my feet up above my head and sometimes I like the middle just a little lower. I hope I don’t mess up the controller and fold myself over like a baloney sandwich. That might hurt a bit.
- I hope they don’t wheel me out in front of the nurse’s station where I have to sit all day with all the old people. I just don’t find them all that entertaining.
I hope I have a little window with a view of a flower or something. An occasional cloud drifting by might be nice also. I hope the kids will put me in a nice enough place where I don’t have to watch gang fights in the alley. Come to think of it, that might be entertaining.
- If my memory is a little shot, I hope my visitors could wear tags indicating their name, their relationship to me and how big a piece of the pie they expect to inherit in the will.
Speaking of pie, the more the merrier except those pies with little pieces of fruit in them. I believe I have already covered that.
- I’m sure that they will not allow me to have my dog in there, but if I have a little robo-dog, that might work as well. I just don’t want to have to clean up the little micro chip accidents that it leaves about.
- I hope they will let my wife come and cuddle with me from time to time. And if I don’t remember who she is, well that will just make it a little more interesting.
Oh and about that robo-nurse. If she could sing to me a little and pat my bald head, I would definitely like that!
Meet The Author ✍️
Fellow Whisper Creeker Greg Stangl comes to us from the great state of Wisconsin. He and his wife Colleen spend summers on Lake Wisconsin and enjoy the leisurely winter months here in our little paradise together with their beautiful Springer Spaniels Isabella Rosalini and Sophia Loren.
Greg is a professional photographer, speaker and writer who not only owned a photography studio for 40 years, but also taught college courses and lectured on the subject in 35 states and 7 countries.
Greg’s other passion is writing. He has published works in 10 national magazines and also authored workbooks employed in photography and marketing. Whisper Creeker News is both honored and excited for Greg to share his creative writing talents with us as well!
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