I finally did it. I came up with my million dollar idea. Now granted, I have had several in the past that never panned out, but one of these is sure to be a winner.
My first million dollar idea was the Plowboy 2000. Seems like most people up north have a trailer hitch receiver on the back of their car, so I wanted to make a snow plow blade with a bracket that would slip into the receiver. On the night before that big snowstorm, you get it all set up and park it in the garage. When that big snow hits, all you would have to do is back your car out of the garage, continue down the drive and the Plowboy 2000 would push that frozen mushiness right out into the street.
That was all fine and good until a neighbor pointed out that the receiver hitch on most cars is not heavy enough and trying to push 6 inches of snow behind a car would probably do some serious and permanent damage. I wonder if Leonardo di Vinci or Thomas Edison had these setbacks?
My next idea was a real wiz banger. I wanted to come up with something that would allow me to ride a bike and walk a dog at the same time. We called it the Walkinator 2000. I fixed a metal pipe perpendicular to my bike frame and put a dog lease on the end. I put it far enough out so the dog would not be able to amble into the bike – avoiding damage to said dog and said bike.
At first it worked pretty well. I would hitch up my dog Riley the Springer Spaniel to the bike and she would pull me all over the park. People looked at me like I might be doing the dog some harm, but at first, she seemed to like it. At first.
Then she developed an awful habit of howling and screaming each time I went to hook her up. (Ever hear a dog scream? It’s not pretty!) Neighbors looked at me odd and threatened to call the ASPCA, so I disconnected the Walkinator 2000 and put it on the shelf.
A few years later (sadly), that dog passed away and was replaced by the current Springer named Sophie. I thought Sophie might enjoy a turn at the Walkinator, so I hitched her up and tried to ride the bike. I don’t know if you knew this but if a dog does not want to move, well it does not move. All four paws were spread out in a “Just make me try to move” pose. In the end I found that if I walked the bike with the aforementioned dog attached it all worked out… sorta. Neighbor Marilyn over on Mahogany would laugh at me as I passed by walking the bike with the dog attached. But I’ve heard that ‘geniuses’ are often laughed at at first. In the long run, the dog definitely did not care for the contraption and I found it easier to ditch the bike and the Walkinator and simply walk the dog. What do they say? Keep it simple stupid?
So, million dollar idea number three.. This one is sure to be a winner. I can feel it. Seems like many of the big retailers are experiencing major theft at the self-checkout lane. Scammers pretend to scan items and are bagging them instead. Retailers are putting in all kinds of security measures including facial recognition hardware, security cameras and some have even have associates wear body cams. I guess all this is not working as theft is increasing.
A Tennessee woman was recently arrested for stealing some Ramen noodles from a Walmart and has been banned from every Walmart in the country. Which raises the question, why steal Ramen noodles? (I had a couple of packs in the back of my cupboard I would have given her.) But back to the retail theft problem. A solution is needed!
My idea is simple. If you are caught stealing at any self- scan kiosk you are immediately hauled up in front of a judge and you are given two options. You can spend a week in a jail cell with a professional yodeler or you can have a barcode tattooed onto your forehead. That way if a convicted thief ever shows their face at a Walmart kiosk again, the scanner will take note and alarms will go off, they will be covered in slime and a mechanical device of some kind will grab them by the collar, roll them out the door and them out onto the curb. That’s the cure for all of this. I’m positive!
I am so sure that this system will work that I am now looking for investors. Please gather all the cash you can find and put it in a paper bag and drop it off. I’ll try to get you a receipt at some point. And leave me your address. When this catches on I’ll be sure to send you a chunk of that million.
Meet the Author ✍️
Fellow Whisper Creeker Greg Stangl comes to us from the great state of Wisconsin. He and his wife Colleen spend summers on Lake Wisconsin and enjoy the leisurely winter months here in our little paradise together with their beautiful Springer Spaniels Isabella Rosalini and Sophia Loren.
One of Greg’s passions is writing. He has published works in 10 national magazines and also authored workbooks employed in photography and marketing. Whisper Creeker News is both honored and excited that Greg shares his creative writing talents with us as well!
Greg is also a professional photographer, speaker and writer who not only owned a photography studio for 40 years, but also taught college courses and lectured on the subject in 35 states and 7 countries.
ENJOY GREG’S ARTICLES AT THE WHISPER CREEKER NEWS MONTHLY!
